Kevin and I will soon be married 38 years and for the most part get along perfectly fine!  I tell him I love him every single day but I will admit I feel guilty as I try to find the right words to ask my  next two questions?   

Do you ever wish you had a private area in your home that is just YOURS?  A place that nobody will disturb your things?  

Just this morning I came into OUR bedroom with OUR  laptop and closed the door to concentrate on MY writing  when it was not five minutes and OUR dog began scratching the door to come in.  

​Sharing everything can get stressful!!!    I went to get a waffle out of the freezer and screamed some "not right words"  as the icepack landed on my foot.   I organized the refrigerator on Saturday to welcome new groceries and here it is Friday and is once again disorganized.  Why cant he put things back on the right shelf I mumble to myself!

​In he walks to get something out of his dresser drawer and I see myself scowl in the mirror across from my bed.  He noticed my annoyance and gave me a bewildered look as he cannot figure out what I am upset about.   I want to scream you are ruining my concentration but immediately feel guilty.  I certainly would not want him to look at me the way I see my reflection looking at him right now!!!

​OUR dog Princess is also  ruining my concentration as she is laying at the foot of the bed snoring!!!    I stopped typing and grabbed my cellphone and began searching my social media to see what all of you were doing and suddenly I found the right words in your stories.

An acquaintance wrote, prayers needed for a friend whose husband had a heart attack driving home from work and has passed away.  

Wow!!!   This could be me one day!!!!

​Suddenly the dog snoring is not so disturbing as I remember just a year ago Kevin and I asked for prayers as she was having a cancerous tumor removed from her back leg.  There will be a day I am going to miss the snoring.   

​I actually have a friend whose husband died suddenly and instantly recalled what she had gone through and how she would love a moment of sharing everything for just another day.

​While actions speak louder than words I am not perfect and am going to react to things from time to time.  The snoring annoys me at times!!!  No!!! I don't want to have to wear shoes when I go make myself a waffle.  I do need my space every once in a while.     I also know how blessed I am and that there may come a time when I am going to wish these days had not gone by so fast.

It is not nice to lose patience but I am not perfect.  Sharing stories are important for reading all of your frustrations makes me feel normal.  I think we all can agree there are times we do not want a waffle falling on our foot or someone messing up our stuff.

​​​There are going to be frustrations!  Believe me 38 years is a long time to be married and to expect to always see eye to eye is a longshot.  There are many words expressed on a daily basis.    We made a vow no matter what to always end with an I love you!

​We do not know from day to day what it will bring and because I am not perfect I  try my best to say I love you to all those I hold dear.   It is important to me that those close to me always know even if I may not agree with them that I love them.    I don't want to have regrets and somehow those three words are so easy to say and make all the silly frustrations be forgotten.

​At the end of every story there are a lot of words that were said but truly I love you are  the ones that matter!!  I love you are the words that at the end of the day will be remembered.  

They are for sure the only right words!


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Did you ever find yourself in a stage where you were totally disciplined and all of a sudden your routine changes and you know you should be working extra hard but weaken?

The beginning of the year I began eating well and working out and made great  progress with a five pound weight loss.   My willpower left me as I went to New York to visit family.  Pizza, Mexican food, cappuccino and matzo ball soup won.  I know there are Extra-Ordinary people who would not have weakened and I admire them.

​I realize this is not the top  "breaking the rules crime"  but commitment to me is huge and my actions did not match my promise to myself  and it makes me feel disappointed.   I began thinking of people battling alcohol, drugs, shopping, and many other addictions.  Once they make a vow to stop a bad behavior they do not have the option like I did to say "it's OK because I am on vacation." 
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​This experience reminded me that it takes an ordinary person one moment to make the wrong choice and jeopardize their future.  All of our choices have consequences that transcend a lifetime.    

​My crime of putting my five pounds back is not a huge one.  But it taught me not to judge others.   Stop and think for a second, when was the last time you found yourself criticizing someone?   We tend to personalize events when it comes to others actions.

​We all need encouragement and teachers to show us the way.  Deep down I want willpower all the time but I also am aware that ordinary people make mistakes.  Every masterpiece has a flaw.   The best teachers in my life have been tough circumstances.

The New York City food choices made me understand the importance of how tempting weakness can be and the effort and courage it takes to admit it and change.   Disappointments can be stepping stones.  We all need guidance and my wish is for each of us to stop creating road blocks!

​Is there something you have done, or someone in your life that may need forgiving?  The choice to try to find forgiveness can transcend a lifetime.   

​The world could be a great place if together we do the extra work to live, love and laugh.  Those three ordinary words can begin an extra ordinary journey

 Success is not about being perfect!!!  I am reminding myself I am a success because I have the ability to be honest and truthful and admit my flaws.    I officially forgive myself for gaining those five pounds while on vacation.

​You are extra ordinary too so start forgiving!!!!!!!!!!!

​We are a few days away from Valentines Day. Don't be like everyone else and give the ordinary gift of chocolates.  Be extra ordinary and give the gift of forgiveness.  That gift choice takes a lot of extra work but the benefits will last a lifetime.

 It is time to stop reading and start doing!!!   I have wrapped up the gift of forgiveness and not only did the recipient love it I received an extra ordinary gift as well.  Forgiveness heals hearts.  Don't waste another second.   Shut your computer screen and forgive right this second while you have the chance.

​Today may be ordinary but with a little forgiveness tomorrow can be the start of many extra ordinary days to come!!!!




 

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Someone asked me the other day if I had the ability to encourage others to change one thing what would it be?  The answer was simple!  Find the joy in each day for they go by quickly! 

​This fact became quite clear to me as the new year rang in.   

Last month while sending holiday greetings I came to the address of a co-worker I had not seen in 30 years.    We kept in touch now and then but somehow we had a gap of 5 years for which we had not spoken.    I was upset with myself for never transferring her telephone number to the address book and thanks to the purchase of a new cellphone I lost her number.   I felt excited when I saw her face on my social media search and instantly sent her a private message.    She responded with her cell phone number and  we arranged a phone call the next morning.  

The moment I heard her voice the fact we had not spoken for so long disappeared and it felt like we had kept in touch forever.   During the two hour chat we reminisced  of our working together memories along with both our joys and sorrows.   The following day she happily told me she was hosting a "slime" birthday party for her grand daughter and had some errands however every time I suggested we hang up she began a new topic.  It was obvious neither of us wanted the chat to end but finally our hands became numb and our jaws hurt from laughing and we agreed to  say good-bye with the promise of doing this again soon.

​New years eve right before the ball dropped I happened to look on my telephone and I noticed her children were writing on her social media wall that she passed away.  I honestly thought I was not reading clearly.  I quickly called to Kevin that it seemed this lovely person passed away.  We both were reading all the comments so confused.  Sadly it was true.  

She was gone!

​I had no idea while going through my address book that morning that I was being led to say good-bye.  If I had not touched base with her that day I would never have known she was gone. 

​This changed me and I now see the simplest things as joyful!

​Something as simple as Kevin and I working out together at the gym was once something I took for granted but now know it is a huge deal.   We can do this together!!!    As I type this it is 17 degrees in Atlanta, Georgia but I have heat and hot water and a roof over my head where many people don't.!!!!  The little conveniences we overlook but miss when they are no longer functioning properly. 

​In between birth and death you can do a lot of living.  From the pictures I am seeing on my dear co-workers wall she sure did a lot of that!   From our conversation I could hear in her voice all the exclamation points that ended each exciting sentence of a memory she was sharing.      To quote her; "I do not do drama, I just do not have the time for it"!!!!   

​​When we worked together many years ago her children were small and I would hear her talking to them on the telephone saying "I am here for your needs child, not your wants"!   Oh my friend if we could all just be happy with what we have and appreciate it more.  

​I am working hard the first few days of this new year to not let small stuff annoyances rob me of joy.  Silly things like someone parked in the fire hydrant two weeks ago set me off in a tizzy where I had to complain to the leasing office.   It is one thing to mention it for safety reasons but to fume over this I now see is unnecessary.    I am learning how these silly hot button annoyances really are joy thieves.   

​Where before I did not rush to answer a text or phone call I now try to do better.   Who knows if there will be a next time.  Who knows if there will be a second chance!    I am learning to appreciate each conversation.

I never realized how much she made the world better until I saw the comments on her death.  She truly let the healing light of love shine on everyone around her.   

​I came across a poem called the dash written by an author Linda Ellis. It is about the dash on our tombstones between our birthdate and death.    I am going to end with just two paragraphs of the poem for it is rather long.   If I was able to change just one thing it would be to have the words of this beautiful poem written on every cloud in the sky so we would look up and be reminded every day of how precious our lives are.  Find the joy in each day!!!   I wish you many joyful exclamation mark moments as you fill in the days of your 2018 calendar for they will one day be our dash!!!! 

                                   It matters not how much we own, the cars, the house, the cash.
                                   It matters how we live and love and how we spend our dash.
​                                   So think about this long and hard.
                                   Are there things you'd like to change?
                                   For you never know how much time is left
​                                   that can still be re-arranged.

​                                   If we could just slow down enough to consider what's true and real
​                                   And always try to understand the way other people feel
                                   And be less quick to anger and show appreciation more
​                                   And love the people in our lives like we've never loved before.






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I heard a funny line this morning and it got me wanting to blog.....
​"I forgot my friends name so I took her to Starbucks to find out what it was"

​Starbucks sure does write names largely on their cups and it sure would be great if it were as easy as visiting a coffee shop to remember all the names in my brain. 

​Lets begin with my forgotten names of passwords shall we?

​Each time I sign up for a site or account I try to use the same password to make it easier on myself.  The problem some sites  require one capital letter, while others a number, or a number and a symbol.  I am getting smarter as I now use the same password which includes a capital, number and symbol all the time on new accounts.  That does not help me when I go on to a site I have not visited in a while.  As I near the end of my fifties I am noticing I click onto the forgot password link weekly.

 It is reassuring to know there are many of us who have password senior moments for if there weren't  sites would not need to include the link to change the password.   I'm beginning to feel a little better now!!!!  


​Let us move on to the embarrassment when I don't know someone who knows me!

​I was visiting New York last month and was in a supermarket and a lady who I will admit did look familiar came up to me and said hello Donna, its nice to see you are back in town.  How long are you visiting?  I was trying not to show the panic in my face for I had no idea where I knew the woman from let alone her name.   I answered hi, wonderful to see you too!  Thankfully it was a very uncomplicated chat and after parting I still did not have any idea who she was.    To be honest I am still racking my brain and quite honestly it is starting to drive me a little NUTS!!!!

​How about when I know a person but cannot figure out how?

​That same trip I was at a diner with family and a lady at the next table kept staring at me.  I could see her whispering something to a girl at her table and they both looked at me as if they were trying to figure out who I was.  I knew her too but could not figure out how.  After 15  minutes of being distracted and totally ignoring the guests I was with I excused myself and went to their table.  I awkwardly said I am sorry, you look so familiar and I know you from somewhere.  Lucky for me she said the same thing as I did.  Thank goodness she couldn't remember either!!!!!!    After a few minutes and a few clues back and forth the mystery was solved and it turns out she was a customer of the dance martial arts school I worked at many years ago.   Mind you, I don't know if she took dance or martial arts.   I must have written months of receipts when she paid tuition but completely did not know her name that day.

​Did you ever put a wrong name on a birthday cake?

​Yes I did!!!!  Talk about embarrassing name moments!!!!!!   I  have two friends; Joan and Jane.  It was Joan's birthday and I had them write Happy Birthday Jane on her cake.     Luckily for me she laughed hysterically but I felt terrible and definitely am defining this as an all time most embarrassing name moment for sure.

Hang on

​OK maybe that was not the worse.  The real worse is when you are purchasing gift cards for all the children in the family and you are staring into space with your husband trying to remember everyones names.  We both drew a blank and said what is that kids sisters name?  Mind you they are our nieces and nephews.   We actually were hysterical laughing at ourselves.  Ok Family relax....I can see your shocked faces!!!!!....It took a few minutes but we finally remembered.....

​How do salon owners do it?

​It amazes me when I walk into the hairdresser or nail salon and I am greeted with hello Miss Donna!  How do they remember all of our names?   

​They say our brain is a muscle and we can train it like any other part of the body by doing puzzles or other mind games however I have tried and they do not seem to be working for me.     I blame it on my genes for I honestly think it runs in our family.  I vividly remember years ago calling home to check on my parents and dad would answer.  Upon hearing his greeting I said Hi dad and his response was always "Whose This?"  He only had two daughters and could never tell us apart.  So there!!!!  Maybe it is not my fault afterall.....

​I happen to like William Shakespeares quote.."A rose by any other name would smell as sweet."    Really everyone...Is it such a big deal forgetting?

​Thumbs up if you agree that all this can be avoided if we had our names written on our foreheads or at the very least have it mandatory to walk around holding Starbucks cups.  Now that works for me.

​Except...that is a whole other area of confusion.....tall, grande, vente.....I forget what kind of drink I want as I try to remember what word I need to use for medium.....I can hear the younger experienced Starbucks customers getting frustrated behind me and it stresses me and confuses me and I forget my own name!!!!!  Which means my cup would be completely wrong!!!!!!

​Oh brother!!!!!!

​I think it is best I close for now and save that thought for another blog another time.  If I remember!!!!

Like sands through the hourglass, these are the days of our lives!  This was the line I would hear every afternoon when I returned home from school.  My hardworking Mother would be sitting in the recliner watching what she referred to as her "story" 
Days Of Our Lives.   I  was surfing channels earlier and yes, despite Moms hourglass filling up six years ago the story goes on.  The characters are different and the plots have changed but the show continues.   Sadly it was time for Mom to leave and reunite with my dad whose bottom half of the glass filled 31 years before hers.   But just like Days Of Our Lives,  her story also continues.

 I often think of my parents  and wonder if there was anything more they wish they had accomplished or done but ran out of sand.  

I  believe many people die with their dreams inside of them.  Days  become weeks, weeks become months and then years.  I wonder how many businesses were not started, books not written, songs not composed because so many thought they had more sand than they did?   

​I read a line in a book this week: a woman went to her pastor and said "the doctor told me I only have a limited time left to live" 
the pastor responded ; you actually needed the doctor to tell you that?

 SO TRUE
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This got me thinking about my story.  Most of my life I tried to accomplish  what I felt my dreams should be.  I wanted to fit in and do what everyone else did but wasn't able to achieve it as quickly as those around me.   When I felt I could not keep up I immediately defined it as failing and we all know nobody wants that.  Failure caused pain and that caused me to stop trying all together.   I surrendered to anxiety and existed in my comfort zone.  

​About eleven years ago I decided I was sick of being sick and tired.   While caring for that sweet Days Of Our Lives fan I began blogging.  I knew as I watched her hourglass filling there was much more to Donna than Julia's daughter.  I wanted to share the frustrations as well as the joys of what I then referred to as putting my life on hold.   During the process I realized nobody was putting my life on hold but me and caring for Mom was the most rewarding time of my life on so many levels.

It took years and a lot of hard work but I now realize that for me a vision board does not work for I feel like I am constantly worrying about achieving the goal and feel pressured when I glance at the hourglass and see I'm running out of time.  At the age of 58 I have decided that a success board is healthier.

Once I realized just how fast the sand runs through the hourglass I worked hard on ME.  Five years ago I could never have gotten on an airplane let alone by myself.  That was one of the first things I put on my Success Board. I shake my head at how ridiculous I was all of those years for letting fear stop me.     It took a move to another state to realize that if you want to see your family often you better kick yourself in the butt and change.  

Another reminder we really do not need a doctor to tell us we only have a limited time left to live!!!!

How would you feel if you were able to think about all things you have to be grateful for versus the things you cannot do?  How would you feel if you really stopped to think we are only here for a limited time​?    What story will you leave behind?

I used to fear what people would think if I posted too much or wrote blogs about my life.  Here's the good news. I no longer care!  This is my hourglass.  I don't plan on dying with my story buried inside me and there is something  that says keep writing.  I am listening.

My mantra now is Don't let fear stop you!  If you want to try it then go ahead!  What is the worse that can happen?

​Pat yourself on the back for every day you made it!  Each day may not go as hoped but find something good in every day.  That is how I now live my life.    Every single one of us alive is a Rock Star and do not let anyone ever tell you your not.  We all deserve rewards for showing up and trying our best.   It is easy to focus on all the wrongs but that is not how we want our hourglass legacy to be handed down to the future generations.  ​
 
​Growing older is the greatest thing in the world.   It took a really long time but I now know no matter what happens from month to month these are the BEST days of MY life.  I will continue to learn new things and keep growing.    I want the legacy of  my final drop of sand to be she inspired us all to be ourselves just like she was. 

​The sands in the hourglass seem to be speeding up as the grains fall but when we use time wisely it can be our greatest friend.   Quit worrying about how everything is going to turn out and make the best of each moment.  Its good to have a vision and set goals and make plans but don't get so caught up living in the future that you are not enjoying the present.  Don't say you will ease up when you finally reach your goal for that day will never come.  Accept yourself now.  Love yourself Now. Not the Other way around.  And each night post a smiley face on your success board.

My Mom's story continues even though the plot and characters have changed.  That is the scene of all of our lives.  Our hourglasses will one day fill too but life will go on.   I still remember my Mom and Dad and all the teachers I had.  Just like the Days of Our Lives story; the hourglass gets passed on.  I will never know if they felt they ran out of sand or not but I am proud of the story they passed on to me.

All those wasted years being focused on the difficulty of climbing the mountain of life had me lose sight of how grateful I am for having a mountain to climb to begin with.   Like sands in the hourglass, we are fifty something and these are the BEST DAYS OF OUR LIVES!

​Now get going and get off your computer.  You have a success board to create.   

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It is the time of year when parents are hugging and saying good-bye to their children as they pack their bags and return to school.  A year ago Kevin and I had that same experience but the difference is we parents left the kid.

​I hear so much about how hard it is to adjust to the empty nest once the kids leave. Honestly that stage of our lives was easier than saying good-bye to my  life in New York.  Leaving a place where I was born and raised was challenging.  I almost felt like a kid heading to a dorm room not knowing my room mate.  It was also very hard for this parent to say good-bye to her kid.

We excitedly arrived in Georgia  but once the furniture was placed and the boxes unpacked I felt lonely and sad. I was very homesick and spent quite a few weeks with puffy eyes before I realized that I had to snap out of it.    I gave myself the same pep talk I would give a student which was  to stop feeling sorry for myself and find a way to meet people.

​Through the years I have joined a number of social media chat rooms.  ​Many would argue that online contact is not real friendship but I am here to state it is.  I cannot tell you how many wonderful people I have "met" through the years.  ​​Technology can bring people together!

​​One morning the leader of one of the  groups encouraged us to shout out the town and state we live in.  You could only imagine the shock when I saw a response of Suwanee Georgia from a member.  My town!  We private messaged back and forth for a few days and finally had scheduled a date to meet each other.  As she handed me a bag of the most delicious Georgia peaches I knew by the first hug we had a connection.   I began expressing how difficult starting over in a new place was and she totally understood.  Like so many, parenting was her passion and now that the kids were grown she needed to fill her hours once again.  An acquaintance introduced her to a skin care business and recommended she become an independent consultant. 

​I loved her story for it reminded me of myself.   I always had a vision of encouraging others to embrace the days we have left and live the best we can.   I love recommendations from friends about products and makeup so I asked if I could please try some samples.  I honestly thought I was  making a friend and a new skin care regimen but loved the product so much I joined her team.

​Students have many choices when walking into the doors of schools and have the opportunity to choose and change their major as needed.  Each course introduces them to new people.   Strangers can be friends we have not yet met.  Life is a classroom regardless of our age and I do not want to stop learning and meeting others.

​​My New York friends are bonded in my heart forever.    Through the years we shared thoughts, feelings, dreams and experiences that last a lifetime and I need them more now than I ever did before.   Knowing I  have them to support and encourage will be the wind beneath my wings. 

​Hugging our kid good-bye was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life.   I will say this though,  absence makes the heart grow fonder.  We have visited each other six times in the past year and I believe the miles have made us closer.  We take for granted what we have around us everyday.  Each visit now is cherished.    The same holds true with my friends.​

​I still walk the halls to what feels like my dorm room not knowing a  lot of people but I am feeling more confident than I was last year.    As I begin my second year away from home I am ready to meet strangers.  ​I am beginning to see that we all have the same opportunities in this classroom of life and age should not close the enormous catalog of courses.  

No matter how many new faces  I meet on the way  this student will always need her forever friends!  

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There once was a broken girl who suffered anxiety and made herself get sick every single day before leaving the house.  Everyone thought she was just a shy child but it was far more than that.  She was terrified of everything from going to school and getting back home and all things in between.   Her greatest obstacle was her unwillingness to take the first step to fix herself.   

​Her parents were not aware of the anxiety for at home she jabbered away.   Her greatest joy was when Mom and Dad had company over for she knew she had an audience to tell jokes, sing, dance and entertain.  Mom scolded her countless times for she felt the silliness was annoying them.  The scolding was worth it to her for she would go to her room smiling at their compliments of how cute she was. 

​The years went by and she grew up, got a job and even got married.  The world thought she was making progress but only she knew the truth as she silently watched people laughing and eating in restaurants while she learned creative recipes at home wearing her social anxiety handcuffs.

​She had fallen into the habit of being afraid and had allowed her fear to keep her from moving forward for way too long.   She was the type of person that loved to procrastinate and often did best with a deadline.  For years she would promise herself she would work on this tomorrow but as you can see many tomorrows went by and each one passing made it even more intimidating for her to begin. 

​Thankfully her husbands family health insurance plan made it a requirement to go for a yearly physical.  This caused her social anxiety to enter into a whole new height but she had no choice.  ​She nervously walked into the doctors office and cried.  The sweet doctor listened to her for 45 minutes, hugged her and assured her all would be well.  With a clean bill of health and a prescription for a mild anxiety medication she began the journey of leaving the kitchen and began going to restaurants.  She was only able to eat a salad that first day but it was a start.  That first step saved her life and at the time she did not realize the second step was exactly the same as the first but it was so much easier.

We get comfortable in our circumstances and they become normal.   We wish for things to be different but fear leaving the comfort zone.  We fear speaking about our broken pieces for people will think we are crazy.  She learned in many ways everyone in some way is broken and the worse thing is to not speak!  

​I was that little girl and now as the adult it is time to speak about it for sure!  

​Doctors did not know how to treat anxiety back in those days so to them it was not an illness.  I vividly remember being in the doctors office hyperventilating when it was time to get shots for school.  The doctor was not able to give me the shot but told my Mother he would sign my paperwork and to bring me back once she was able to calm me down.  Long story short after giving birth to my son somewhere in my bloodwork it came out I never had certain childhood shots.  Because they did not know how to cure my illness it could have caused me bigger ones. 

​I will admit every now and then the anxiety tries to sneak back into my life just when I think I am feeling better.  I yell at it and try my best to stay focused and often times it works.  On rare occasions when I cannot do it on my own I am happy to say there is medication for it now.   As an adult I found a doctor  that told me it was an illness and not my fault.  I am so grateful for her compassion to me.  Her advice on how to handle the anxiety makes my attacks happen far less than they did back then.

​I write this post for lately  I have been speaking to many broken people who are going through family arguments,  financial problems, loneliness and depression to name a few things.     There are so many things  that can break people's spirits.  Every one of us has to endure something but what I want people to try to remember is; it is only a chapter, not the entire story.   We cannot allow what is broken to become the plot for we all know this is not how we want our stories to end. 

​I was angry for many years with doctors, parents, teachers in school and anyone else that did not see how anxious I was.  Fortunately now as an adult I know those were my best days for they were the stepping stones for who I now am.  While I am quite overwhelming at times I love the gift of being silly.  I turn into that little girl every time I hear people laughing.   To quote Mark  Twain, "Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand."    Thanks to all the years my social anxiety had me handcuffed to the house I learned to cook and I am pretty darn good at it too.   Thanks to the mandatory yearly physical I go for my check up and get any needles needed.  

​Each morning as I turn another calendar page I see months going by way too quickly and time now has become my deadline.  There are days I exhaust myself for I try hard to catch up on life and the things I did not do. 

​Life would be boring if nothing went wrong.  It is difficult when you see the huge flight but my motto now is " Do not look up, just stare at the first step"!

​This former broken girl is grateful she took the climb for the view is beautiful and so delicious too!

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The airport was crowded with travelers the  day I was returning from a family visit to New York.  As I was rolling my heavy suitcase to the drop off center I wondered where everyone was going on that busy Thursday afternoon.    I could not remember the last time Kevin and I took a real sunset vacation.  It seems the past few years his days off were used for medical appointments, a move from one state to the next, our dogs surgery and family events.   Time runs out so quickly and I thought it sure would be nice if we could purchase a few more vacation days.    I wondered if others felt this way too.

​When I arrived home I decided to ask some friends the question; "Would you be willing to take a cut in pay to receive extra days off"?

​My first call was to a friend who not only works a full time job but also cares for an ill family member.  She said she loved holiday weekends for they are free days off as her vacation days are  earned.  She explained she must work a certain amount of hours and once the required time is met a day is awarded however this time includes sick days as well as vacation time.    I felt horrible but she said it was fine.  While it gets emotional at times she does not regret having this time with her loved one.   Sunset vacations are what you make of them.

​Another friend has the vacation time and, like us, uses them for doctor appointments and an occasional day off for herself but a cut in pay or destination trips are out of the question.  She is grateful for the little she can put away for a "rainy" day as she worries what will happen should her 11 year old car break down for good.  Her sunset vacations are Sunday afternoons watching movies on TV and for now that is perfectly fine.

​There were many answers on this quest for my story information but the bottom line was most are grateful to have jobs.  A few of my fifty something friends said they did use their vacation time and have destination sunset vacations however never felt totally away fo they need to check emails and to stay on top of things.    At their age they are nervous to be away too long and are always finding ways to step up their game.

​This brought the Old Henry Tale "The Gift of the Magi" to my mind.  The story is of a woman who sells the long hair she loves to purchase a chain for her husbands favorite gold watch;  he in turn sells the watch to purchase her a beautiful hair broche.  Some may say they both wasted something they cherished but they did not see it that way.  The fact they gave and received loving gestures made the choice to give up something cherished  wise.  The same is true with cherished vacation time.  When used wisely it is not a sacrifice.

​As I type this I am no longer in a crowded airport but am on my living room couch.  I can hear my husband and our dog Princess snoring in the bedroom.  Kevin truly gives so much of his time for all of us and never complains or calls It a sacrifice.

​The apple does not fall far from the tree as our son called us on Sunday from the same airport I left a few weeks ago to tell us he was boarding a plane as an early birthday gift for me.   I smile as I see him through the window sitting on the balcony enjoying quiet time on this warm Georgia night.

​So many times we carry our baggage of troubles to drop off centers and rush off to the once in a lifetime destination vacation.  While on our trips  we smile and wear our happy face mask hoping if we forget the bag for a while life will be better. What I am learning is the bag is there when we return.  The few people I spoke with prefer to not ignore the heavy bag and use their time realistically and never feel victimized.    Just like "the gift of the magi" they prefer to use their days wisely and with this attitude do not feel like its a sacrifice.

​Sometimes I need to be reminded of what is important in life.  I am blessed for friends who share their experiences as they are my greatest teachers.  The lesson I learned through all of them is that the destination and amount of time is not as important as using the days we have lovingly and wisely.  

From my window I see my son sitting on our wicker patio chair outside as the sun is setting.  I feel grateful as when it is time to say good-bye I can go outside and sit in that same chair and will smile at the memory of this special sunset vacation moment.

​Life  is wonderful.   Trips make us feel excited and happy and  I would be lying if I said I never want to go away and sit by  an ocean with  sand on my toes sipping cold drinks one day.   Life figures ways and that will one day happen.

A life of love with time used wisely is not wasted.

​I am grateful for that Thursday afternoon and my airport experience for had I not gone the question may not have come to my mind.   Sometimes we need the frustration inside the packed bags we drag around to drop off centers to find the true meaning of things. 

​Summer is here with longer warmer days.  I now in  my heart know  what a real sunset vacation is and I  do not need to buy extra time.  All I have to do is open my door.

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Lately I feel like I am on a scavenger hunt trying to find clues as to where I fit in.  I wonder if I am the only 55 plus person that feels this way!    We were born between the years 1946-1964 which defines us as Boomers.  For eighteen years we broke the record in terms of increased population.   Am I the only baby boomer who is not ready to be called a Senior?

​To quote the definition of the noun senior citizen from the Merriam Webster online dictionary: "an old person who is at least a certain age (such as 55)"     To be perfectly honest I think this sentence is self destructive for any age let alone 55.

​I feel anyone 80 or above who CHOOSES to be called a senior should wear that title proudly for they were our inspirational teachers and I hope to be as wise when I get to their age. I suppose it is a nicer word than elderly or old fogy  however I personally do not feel I have travelled the road long enough to have that title myself.  I honestly don't think I ever will.

​I wish I could go back to the good old days where I felt part of a community.  Neighbors took care and listened for each other and I felt settled and at peace.  I am now in an apartment community where no sooner do I meet a neighbor and feel comfortable they are moving out and new people are taking their place.   As much as I don't like being called a senior citizen I probably am one of the old fogies that reside here.  Despite the fact I am young at heart and dress real cute I am still the grandmother at "game night" at the community clubhouse with the younger residents.

​It was suggested we try leasing an apartment in a fifty five plus community as there may be more that I have in common with.   I love activity and typically these places offer classes, trips and parties.   I do not type the next line to offend anyone so please forgive me if I do;   Upon taking the tour there were no residents near my age of 58.  It was the home of the baby boomers parents.  

​My sister and I  experienced the same result when we joined the Church 55 plus group.  Once again we were the youngest people there.   They did not know what table to sit us at for everyone was in their normal spot.  After they got over the shock of seeing the two of us they began calling us cute!   Please do not misunderstand,  I love spending time with all ages and we had loads of fun but once in a while I would love for a 55 plus category to have more boomers.  ​The span for the term "senior" and "55 plus" are too broad for me!

I hope to have at least 20 or MORE healthy years left.  I always thought that was a long time until I  placed 20 raisins in my hand and saw how fast they were gobbled up and it hit me that is really a small number.  I actually wanted 20 MORE!!!    

​I decided I needed a break from the scavenger hunt game and fitting in and just be Donna.   I gave myself ​a week of being a kid again and did all the things I loved when young.   This morning I pulled out my hula hoop and cranked up the Bee Gees Night Fever music and exercised away.    I always loved to sing and still do and I am not bragging but I can still keep the hula hoop spinning quite well despite my "senior" title.   I decided to order some adult relaxing coloring books and staying in the lines with my 200 brightly colored sharpee markers returned me to happy childhood memories. I went to the library and read BOOKS, and wrote with PENS and when I wanted to get thoughts for this post I TYPED and pretended my keyboard was the old rickety machine  I had when I first started working at Chase Manhattan Bank in the 80's.   Back then you had to be careful to hit the correct key as once the image was on the page there was no backspace or delete button to remove it.  I know these are things only die hard boomers will remember.

​I realize I am showing my age in the paragraph above. ​I have no problem getting older; as a matter of fact I love being fifty five plus.  I love telling the "youngsters" about life.   I am more fit, confident and  happy than I ever was.  My Mother was a hard worker and deserved retiring and becoming a Senior but I am a totally different person than she was.   My Mother in all fairness did not have time to worry about working out, being stylish or funny.  She went to the doctor only when she had to.  Her focus was hard work and us.  She and all my friends parents deserve to wear the Senior title proudly.   They have a place where they all fit in.

​I do not feel boomers have a category for which we fit in.    ​I have baby boomer best friends who are caring for their senior parents every single day.  I have boomer friends who are caring for their grand-children every day.  I have boomer friends who are working two jobs for they cannot afford to live on just one.  These friends are not seniors believe me.

​I was happy a month ago when I saw a Tribute to the Bee Gees special on television.  I smiled from ear to ear singing all the songs for which I knew every word.  I was happy to see younger artists performing the old classics.  Maybe our generation is slowly  figuring out where we fit in after all.

​I am proud of being almost 58 and I would be lying if I said I did not appreciate receiving a discount on Tuesdays at the supermarket and nail salon.  I would totally understand if the stores decided to make the age older moving forward but if it is available to me I will take it.  There are many perks to getting older!

​I think every age should act and feel young as long as they can.  I know that it is healthy for older adults to be around younger people.   I think it is important for younger people to be around older adults.  We all can learn so much from one another.

​My dream every now and then is to have a place where I can find a few of the millions of boomers out there and get together.

​For now I will do my best each day to workout, go for walks, color, sing, be kind, caring, funny, crazy, silly but most important loving. ​  ​A word cannot change what I am inside. I will end the scavenger hunt and  buckle up my belt and continue on this wonderful journey of fifty five plus.  I will continue to be young at heart!

Every person alive shares the need to have someone to walk with through good times and bad, have someone to encourage and challenge us to be the best version of ourselves as possible.  No matter our title deep down we are all the same.  None of us can let words define us.  We spent our entire youth trying to fit in.  It is now time to simply be ourselves.

​I am fifty five plus and thanks to all of those born between 1946-1964 I am not alone.  We are the boomers!!!  With so many of us how in the world can we help but not fit in.  We are the examples for future generations.  Let's teach them the colorful new definition of the word Senior just like the generations before us taught us so much.

​It wont be long before we will be fitting into the inspirational category.  ​Let us  enjoy each one happily and make these the best days of our lives!



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My cellphone was on mute but from the corner of my eye I noticed her name and sensed it was going to be sad news and gave myself a moment before answering.   My attempt at preparing myself did not ease the pain I felt for her as she informed me she had to put her best friend of 17 years to sleep.

​She is a dear friend from New York and here I am in Atlanta wanting to hug her but at the same time wanted to talk to her like we always did.

​The love of our dog is something we both share and through the years we would have lengthy discussions on how difficult life was getting as the years were creeping up on Princess and Rex.  We both agreed how difficult it was when the barking would not stop and we could not figure out what was wrong.  They were slowing up but we somehow made each other laugh through it.

​The conversation that day was not about my stress with Princess but I sure could use her advice.

​That same week Kevin and I took Princess to the vet to have a tumor on her back leg checked.  Upon examination the vet noticed a number of lumps and suggested we think about having them biopsied.  We decided we would stick to our original plan and agreed to needle biopsy just the one on her leg.  A few days later we learned there were spindle cells which indicated she had cancer.

The story of Princess instantly has a new headline that went from I have a fatty tumor to I have cancer

My friend would understand how angry I am!  She would understand my question as to why we needed to know this!  She would understand my fear of not knowing what to do next!  She would listen to my ranting about how Princess is already on medication for high liver enzymes as well as how she already had two knee surgeries.  How much else can we put  her through?  She would also understand my question;  how much more can we afford?

​I had to be strong for my dear friend that day for  she was in far more pain than I could imagine

​I listened and felt her pain and told her the words she already knew in her heart; that Rex felt how loved he was and knew it was time so say good-bye.  I listened and comforted her when she explained the guilt of having to make the decision to say good-bye and I honestly understood for I feel the same in not having the other tumors looked at.  

​I thought oh Lord, can't you send down a pill that we can give our pets when confusing situations arise?

​How great would it be if our pets came with three small pills when they arrived in our lives that we could use whenever we needed help with a hard decision.    It would sure be easier looking into those big beautiful brown eyes for me to listen to her feelings versus ignoring my sad heart and try to make the best decision.

​I glance over at Princess snoring next to me and it occurred to me that she was not stressed over this at all.  Sometimes she makes lots of noise and thinks life really sucks which are the same thoughts I am having lately.  The difference is once I give her a hug, kiss or most importantly food she is back to her, wagging of the tail because  life is good,  dance.   She knows how to let it go. 

I felt the string of light Princess has given us all these years and realized our hearts truly are connected.  The gloomy new headline is taking away the light that is shining next to me right now.

​I smile thinking of the happy memories my friend in New York had the day she invited neighbors and friends into her backyard to throw Rex a 16th birthday party.  I can still smell the wonderful BBQ grill which had all of his favorite foods cooking on it.

​Kevin and I learned through witnessing their love that we too must keep the light shining and continue the memories with Princess as long as we can.  Headlines change very quickly and if we waste a second living in darkness we only will have ourselves to blame.

​Princess only worries about the moment she is in and right now is looking at me for it is our routine time to go out.  I can see through that beautiful bright face that she is saying I am fine Mom, can we go walking now?     

Tomorrow we will make an appointment with a surgeon to discuss options for Princess but we are not making any decisions until we know all the facts.

​My friend in New York knew the decision was right and I know Kevin and I will do the same.  There are no wrong decisions when they are made with unconditional love.

​Rex, it was time for you to follow the  rainbow and I know you are shedding so much colorful light in heaven.  You will be missed but never forgotten. It is going to take Mommy some time but I know before long my phone will ring and I will see her name on my screen and we are going to laugh at all the light you brought to us all.

​Princess, you have given us so much joy the past eleven years and we are not packing up that string of colorful bulbs just yet.  We are going to fight this little girl the best way we can!   

​Our pets are only here a little while but they are our greatest teachers.  Don't stay mad long, hug and kiss and don't stress for it takes away from the string of light of living.

​OK Princess, time to take our walk now.  We have no idea where the road is going to lead us but always know, whether near or far; you will always be the shining light in our lives.

​Little girl, you are Mine and Daddy's forever best friend.