I am not proud to admit this but I have a take charge personality and I like to be the lead horse so suddenly being my husbands ASSISTANT was hard. I assisted a few shoots but was not liking it at all and was actually becoming angry. I finally sat myself down and asked myself what was going on. After a few weeks I found the answer was I need to be NICER TO ME.
I have gone through a lot of adjusting the last two years. We moved 850 miles from our family and friends and I was getting used to that change when Kevin decided to join a gym and because he trains at 6:00AM he works from home more often. It isn't that I am jealous for I am proud of all that he is accomplishing. His being in "MY OFFICE" was taking me away from the passions I have. I was feeling guilty for my feelings for "MY OFFICE" is his "HOME" and he has a right to be here.
One thing I love about Kevin is he is not a selfish person and truly lives his life to serve others. His goal is not to be rich and famous but to develop himself into the best person that he can be while enjoying his passion. Once he picked up the camera and saw the views from the lens it opened his eyes to be healthier and he lost 33 pounds!
I am learning to see our real business is our life together and if he isn't here I will be the lead horse every day all by myself.
I began to stop screaming my frustrations at Kevin and instead explain my feelings and in turn listen to his.
What I learned during our chat was I created this block in my head that said women who work from home need to have the cleanest house, with hot meals planned and the closets neat and tidy. Because of this "stigma" I was stressed for I felt I wasn't keeping up. With an exploding mind Kevin would "stroll in" checking off his goals and proudly shout out another "booking" and I was resentful because I was not happy with me. I was stressed and reacted with my auto-pilot lead horse answer of "ANOTHER THING FOR ME TO DO, ARE YOU KIDDING??? "as I threatened to smash his camera.
He quietly listened and explained I did not have to be perfect and that we were a team. In his busy world he does not always notice what I need but if I calmly explain my frustrations he will help. I always felt he should know what I need help with but once I realize it is OK to just tell him things changed.
A saint I am not for I am still a work in progress and I remind myself of my goals every day. I am the only one putting my dreams on hold because of feeling I must be perfect. My ego is what is blocking my dreams not Kevin accomplishing his. I slowly am learning to not worry about what anyone thinks, to communicate better, not worry about being in charge, but most important I am working on kicking the word perfect out of my vocabulary.
We have another photo shoot this afternoon and today my role will once again be assistant. I smile as my "boss" just walked into the room with a huge good morning handing me a hot cup of coffee. It was just at the time I was typing this last paragraph for he gave me some space to write.
What a beautiful reminder that it does not matter who is in charge and having to be the lead horse was causing me a lot of stress. Our real family business is US and our HOME and treating each other with respect every day. Running a business takes lots of work and effort by everyone on the team. Now that we both erased the word perfection, talked things out and are respecting each others passions we both are happier but best of all our days are so MUCH NICER!