January temperatures flip flop from sunny to gray, rainy to snowy, windy to calm. I sometimes wish it could just be more stable so I know I am wearing only boots versus shoes or the down coat versus the wool. I laugh writing this because at times I can describe my life story with the same terms. Most days I try to be sunny and full of energy but like everyone I have days from time to time where I cry and ask myself what exactly does normal routine mean anymore?
Some days I think back to the days where I had two loads of laundry a day versus now having four loads a week. Overflowing grocery carts are replaced with the items we need for the week which barely gets to the halfway point of that very same wagon. There was always dusting and vacuming and floors to wash and now I actually go onto sites giving a cleaning project for the day and I am actually excited to see what it is. Cleaning the remote control and telephone buttons is now a huge excitement.
Everything in life is temporary and change is inevitable for all of us. With this extra time on my hands it really takes some discipline to train my brain to focus on the half full glass versus missing the empty parts. We are only guaranteed the moment we are in so I am learning to take things one day at a time. I used to try to figure things out for an entire month and then become resentful when something disrupted it. I now know to look to the future with enthusiasm as having things to look forward to is important but am realizing I must learn to be flexible. I also am focusing on the gratitude for all that I do have and I actually do find fun in those mundane little chores. It really is all in my attitude.
I recently saw Jane Fonda on a talk show and she said something that resonated with me. When you read a book or go to a movie or play it seems that the last scene or chapter are the one that makes you rate the performance. Sometimes we walk out of the show or close the book and say what a terrific story. There have been times where I was totally surprised at the ending. There have also been a few stories that I said man that was horrible. While all the chapters or scenes are important the ending is what most will remember when the show is over.
It is very easy to feel like quitting on some days when we wake up feeling icky with flip flop hormones and our emotions going crazy. I think it is fine to listen to our bodies and give it the pity party from time to time but quitting is not allowed. Quitting can become a habit just like any other one so together we must not allow it.
Yes we are flip flopping the sweaters on and off and laughing one second and crying the next and singing goes to screaming with no apparent reason at all. Yes to the world we may look crazy but we all know how normal we are. When our babies cried they needed something from us and most of the time knew what to do. When we scream and cry we get looked at with bewilderment when all we want is someone to say I understand.
Friends must stick together and we 50 something ladies are just that. Friends!! Good frienships are all about bringing out the best in each other. Since I have begun writing I have met quite a number of great 50 something ladies who thank me for being honest and making them feel "normal". It is not always easy but in my heart I do know that I am beginning to get closer to that person I was meant to be. I am going to continue to keep writing about all these flip flop days and feelings. One feeling that I know will remain consistent is telling all of those near and dear to me how much I love them.
Technology is a great tool. I am blessed in many ways and just like the website that reminds me its time wipe the gunk from behind my kitchen faucet I have learned many areas in my life to remove clutter. I get surprised each time I am reminded about all that gunk build up but it sure makes me feel good after spending a little time removing it. The same is true for all the gunk we put into our brains and our attitudes. Let us not lose our dignity because of changes in our lives. We are wonderful people going through changes and that is all!!!....These truly are the best days of our lives despite the decorations coming down for a while. They will be back in about 10 months with many holidays on the way to look forward to.
Yes the past is gone but the memories will always be with us. Things have slowed down but it is now our time. We all have many chapters to go before that final scene but I know mine is going to end with people leaving and saying that was the greatest show on earth. Oh there will be many a flop along the way but keep flipping the pages because I have the courage to keep on going. The room may be dim but my light is most definately ON....Who knows what I will be writing..Stay tuned.....
Happy 2013 my friends. Get out there and begin your story.