I left the singing of the birds and walked to the living room to invite my laptop in to begin writing. As much as I love the sound of tapping keys technology and I do not always get along. The moment I turned my computer on I was told (be patient) another update was installing. I REALLY wanted to do a blog now!!!! Why are all these updates necessary I remember yelling as they were sloooowly installing. In the same quiet room I slammed the laptop lid shut, grabbed my now cold cup of coffee and said I QUIT!!!
Now you see why I have not written in a while. This happens to me a lot!!!!!
Thinking about that morning it amazes me how one minor inconvenience can make me act like a major emergency occurred and make my thoughts spiral out of control to completely ruin a beautiful morning. I tend to want things to go the way I say and immediately feel life is not fair when setbacks of any kind occur. It is easier to slam the lid shut than to simply wait. It is easier to pout that do something I enjoy.
I have been feeling overwhelmed the past few months! My husband Kevin and I have wanted to move out of our Queens apartment for way over a year and after lots of drives, thinking and soul searching we decided Atlanta Georgia is our next address. I am relieved that we made the choice because deciding was difficult but I still find myself impatient as I want this chapter to be done. What are we bringing, tossing, donating, selling? How are we getting all of this accomplished? At times I feel like we go five steps forward and ten backwards.
Ahhhh....There are teachers and students everywhere and I listened to a great lesson one afternoon. I came home from work early on this day having had a stomach bug. I was resting on the couch flipping channels on my remote and I stopped for a moment on an episode of the Dr. Phil Show. On the stage was a long tape measure and on it he had a couple standing on the numbers indicating their ages 65 and 67. Dr. Phil had them face the tape measure towards the number 90 and said this is approximately all the time you have left to live your life, he then faced them in the direction of the beginning of the tape and said all this time is gone. The episode was about a dispute they were having with a family member and how the couple could not continue their journey due to the sadness in their life. Stop fixing the world was the answer. If you are not going to enjoy life now, WHEN?
Hearing these people share their story gave me peace that I am not the only one who gets impatient and stuck! All these unsettling feelings I am having are the necessary seeds of change. Looking back at the tape measure of my life thus far I realize I am making excuses to remain tight in a bud versus the risk it may take to finally blossom.
Some questions take longer than others but I have lived long enough and witnessed stories written by others way before me to know answers come as the story goes on. As much as I feel I am in charge I'm not! I can hope, pray and try my best to plan but the reality is none of us are or ever were in charge of what happens in life. We are only in charge of how we react. I cannot change the world!
Yes, updates, time wasted, disorganization, sadness, anger, fighting are frustrating! Am I impatient when I react to them? I suppose I am!
Yes, the apartment looks like a warehouse. Somehow in all of the chaos I lost my house keys and fitbit charger on the same day!!!! Yes I am IMPATIENT as I have been tearing through every room for over a week. Once I calmed down and stopped slamming lids shut the answers arrived. I found a charger that can be used on my fitbit and yes, Kevin has a set of keys for which I can have new ones made. All questions have answers but it takes patience! It takes baby steps, positive thoughts, enthusiasm all of which I know I can do!!!
From time to time I read my old blogposts and they feel like postcards of past journeys I have gone on. Those times are when I am happy that I did not let things like technological challenges stop me from creating the stories for writing is a hobby that I enjoy very much! It is important for me to keep creating the postcards despite difficulties.
It is now 9:45 PM and I am delighted I decided to re-open the laptop and continue the story I began the other day. We returned home an hour ago from a delightful day spent on Long Island with family. This is the way to continue the tape measure of life. These are the moments we pack and bring.
The laptop is beginning to feel warm on my legs and I really want to post this blog tonight. Before my screen gets an UPDATE OF BATTERY RUNNING LOW, I will say goodnight as I listen to the quiet street with the breeze coming through the sheer curtain, I sip a hot cup of tea and I enter into this IM PATIENT world.