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The Seasons of Life

9/23/2020

Every few years something happens that requires an adjustment in how we support one another. I like to think of these times as the Seasons of our Life. It is the time when something extraordinary happens that you did not expect nor see coming. Some of these seasons can be wonderful and then of course there are the devastatingly sad seasons. By the age of 61 I have seen my share of both. Anxiety, joy, sorrow, happiness, sadness, births, deaths. Those are the times we remember the most! The years where something changed.

The seasons of life are our fairy tales to leave behind for our next generations.

The past six months have been a very hard season for us all. I think this is the only time that I can remember where everyone I met experienced a hard season at the same time. In my former seasons masks were worn by children playing make believe on Halloween and now suddenly we adults wear them everywhere we go.

In each passing season of my life I try to review what the lesson may have been. My goal is to always try to grow. This current season I feel I learned more about myself than any other thus far. My outgoing demeanor may make it hard for some to believe however I now realize it truly is a mask I have worn most of my life for I was the biggest chicken during many seasons. I longed to soar like an eagle but felt more comfortable in my cage.

Covid hit us all in March and suddenly we were told to stay inside. I found this time to be confusing because I was slowly starting to feel like I wanted to fly. The community we were living in was not the right fit for me and I was scared to change but at the same time wanted to. The chicken was making every excuse to use the virus to stay put but her heart was telling her different. Luckily my heart was louder than my fear and we packed our boxes and flew to a new place. If I did not learn anything through past seasons it is how fragile and short life is. Who knows if next year will even come.

Now that God saw I bravely opened my cage door he gave me the gift of another fear to overcome. I have had fear of the dentist since childhood. I would get so upset at the thought of sitting in that chair with the drills hanging from the ceiling that his office would sign my school note without me being examined. My husband broke a tooth recently and after visiting the dentist informed me there were TV's on the ceiling now. I found that interesting but was not convinced I was ready to see it for myself until coincidentally the morning I woke with a piece of tooth missing from my back molar. The old Donna wanted to wait in her cage and watch TV in the comfort of her living room. But the eagle in training picked up the phone with sweaty palms and made the appointment. I will admit, I cried like a baby the first appointment and I am not looking forward to having two teeth pulled next month at all. I still would prefer watching TV in my cage however it feels like a weight has been lifted just saying I have a dental appointment.

My point in telling you all of this is!   In this season i will soon be a grandmother and I want to be a role model for this little girl and if I stay a chicken in my cage I will fail her. Throughout the seasons of my life I wished I had a magic wand to make all of this anxiety go away.   I am sure there will be times she too will wish there was a genie that could make all her fears and worries go away. I cannot wait to tell her it is fear that makes us grow and the magical dust lives inside her. Determination will make all of her dreams come true.

We could not have planned the events of the past few months in a million years but I am incredibly grateful for in this season I have learned to say yes to the situations that scare me. I now know I have worn this mask all the seasons of my life but never realized it. That strong eagle was always there but was never taught to fly.

Is there something you need to say yes to but are afraid of during this season? The eagle and magical fairy dust really lives inside of you too. All you need to do is focus on what is important and try your best to not let fear stop you.

Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory said Dr. Seuss. It truly is that magically simple.

It is now time to put on our masks, open the cage door and fly my friends. Together let us keep writing our fairy tale to leave behind for the next generations.

The Seasons of Our Life.

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Everyday Virtues

8/8/2020

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The past few months I along with you watched riots and sadness in many cities and I have been trying to get my thoughts together to write an encouraging blogpost but the flow of words were not coming. These words are not the every day virtues for which I was raised and when I blog I like to leave a positive message and it is difficult to do that when angry. The main source of my anger is I am the Mother of a police officer and like all Mothers I want to protect. This post is not a debate on police versus civilians for there are good and bad points in both of those areas. This post is about seeing all of this through a police officers Mothers eyes.

All mothers teach their children everyday virtues such as kindness, caring, friendliness, respect, love and then all of a sudden we ourselves forget to practice what we have taught them. I guess it is easier to be a teacher than a student isn't it? Do what I say, not as I do has become the new norm these days.

Ten years ago when our son came home and told us he was signing up for the police academy we could not for one minute understand why he was doing this! I do not recall as a child seeing him play with toy guns or ever talk about one day being a police officer so Kevin and I were stunned by his choice.

Our blue eyed boy was sworn in on the hottest day of the Summer that year and his graduation was during one of the largest blizzards New York City had. Some would have thought this was an omen to rethink this choice but not our son. He took his oath serious and worked hard to earn his badge. In his formal uniform he trudged through the snow to the train station arriving at Madison Square Garden where the ceremony was performed. His celebratory party may have been smaller than we wanted and our festive clothes were replaced with heavy sweaters, coats and boots but I can still feel the pride in my heart watching the ceremony that day.

A number of weeks ago I posted a picture on my social media wall of my son standing with a group of police officers and I wrote how there are some great ones out there and how proud I was my son was one of them. It hurts me to say I found out who my friends are that day. I cannot tell you how many people who I seriously considered my friends looked at the photograph but only a mere few liked it or commented over it.

Police officers leave for work every day with no idea what they will be handling. They kiss their families goodbye knowing there is a possibility they could be injured but they took a vow to protect all of your families and took those words seriously. Their spouses, children, parents, and friends learn to conduct their daily activities normally but deep down are not at rest until they hear the key turn in the lock as they once again arrived home safely.

Regardless of a child's age or profession I am quite certain all Mothers can relate to the sigh of relief, key in lock moments. From their first day of school until the day they learn to drive we cannot wait until they return home. Ahhh we can rest as they are safe. Police officer families have this little knot in their stomach every day.

I thought my heart could never be prouder on that cold Winter day my son officially became a police officer but boy was I wrong. While I still have the fear I felt the day he told us he was taking the police test my heart is ever so proud of this man he has become.    He embodies kindness, compassion, respect and love and took each word of his swearing in seriously. He is a very hard worker and I have such pride in him.

I would be fibbing if I said I am no longer angry at how divided this world has become. As I type this I hear helicopters hovering over the neighborhood as the news reports a man with a gun just shot someone and police are looking for him. I end this post the same way I began. There are no words for the sadness I feel as I see through my television screen police officers searching for this armed and dangerous person. All these men and women have spouses, children, parents watching them protect us but I am certain they have a knot in their stomachs. I do not even know any of those officers but I have a knot it mine.

I hope together we can get every day virtues back so that stories like this can one day end. Can we all try to agree that Compassion, Love, and Unity are possible?

My goal until the day I die is to tell my son how proud I am of him. I thank him for trying his best to keep the city he works for safe. I thank him for the love and loyalty he gives. I extend a huge thank you to the many people who love my boy as much as his father and I do.

I extend a huge thank you to all police officers!

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New Ways Of Celebrating

5/29/2020

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I woke this morning feeling like writing a blog and it surprised me as for the past few weeks I could not find words. For some reason on this last weekend of May as I sit on my balcony I feel grateful. As I sit smiling at my bright colored plants I will admit I was not feeling festive as I wore a mask shopping for them in the Georgia heat. But today listening to the birds around me I feel hopeful.

I think we can all agree the year 2020 will be marked in our memories for many years to come. For many it will be a year of disappointments. Just like many of you, Kevin and I had many fun things planned and in the blink of an eye we suddenly saw blank spaces in the squares of our calendar.

The virus was just creeping in to Atlanta and we were trying to be optimistic the day we received the email stating the David Foster Concert scheduled in March would be postponed for a while. Well, days later when we received the news our 40th anniversary cruise was cancelled and the new "for a while date " for David Foster is February 21, 2021 we knew we were in for some challenging days.

The first few weeks as I scrolled my face book feed I noticed the posts were filled with fear and disappointment. I was among the contributors believe me. Suddenly after a few weeks I slowly began noticing that people were getting tired and were using this time to come up with creative ways to celebrate. I suddenly saw my cranky face begin smiling as I watched a bridal shower transformed from a party setting to a line of cars driving down the bride's block honking horns and dropping off gifts. That same day I saw a zoom baby shower where families sent gifts to the soon to be mom and watched her open them on her shower date. A Wedding reception that had to be postponed but the marriage still went on in the rain in the yard of the bride and groom.

These stories along with so many others inspired me.

Last Sunday Kevin and I put on our masks and headed to the craft store and bought supplies to paint bird houses. We never would have even thought of painting a birdhouse before and now I sit looking at them and smile. We took a drive to a hiking trail that had 600 steps to climb. Yes, at almost 61 I climbed them all. OK, yes I was out of breath but I did it and honestly I probably never would have attempted it had it not been for trying to find a safe place to go.

Through all of you I learned that we cannot think negative thoughts and suddenly expect our day to miraculously be positive. I have reconnected with so many people now that time has slowed us all down. A few mornings a week I facetime and workout with a dear friend and I am so grateful we reconnected and share thoughts and ways to brighten each others days. The weather is improving and we can take more walks. I see neighbors that have been cooped up and just the other night we bumped into each other and it turned into an hour conversation. I am meeting her at 2:30 to social distance on our outside bench as a matter of fact. These are all celebrations to me!

Remember how stressed the Holiday season was with the huge to do lists? Maybe once we are able to really celebrate again we will remember these days and not let them get us as upset. Better yet, maybe we will still continue these creative ways to celebrate.

Sometimes we spend so much time planning the event and not the occasion. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the details we forget love, feelings and people. As I sit here I now know none of that matters at all.

In terms of the Ryan cancellations, Luckily for us the Lady Antebellum Concert, the Rascal Flatts Concert and let's not forget our 40th anniversary cruise will be refunded at some point and we can use that money to hopefully fill the square boxes on the calendar with other things should this virus settle down.

June was always my favorite month of the year. It is my birthday month and everyone knows I love my birthday. Kevin asked me what type of gift I wished for this year and my answer was simple. All I want is to be able to go to New York and visit my kids. I want hope that I can travel and see my soon to be grand-daughter in November. I want to be able to hug them. Just like all of you grandparents out there. I want to hold mine too.

As I sit here on my balcony with my flowers and colorful birdhouses I think of my 61st birthday cake and see myself blowing out my candles and in my dream I am smiling. My wish is to just stay hopeful!

We all learned that life is a mystery to be lived for sure. We never know what will happen from one moment to another. One thing I do know is it will turn out the way it is meant to. Keep the faith my friends because it is all going to be OK. Each and everyone of us learned the important things in life the past few months. We will be telling these stories to the next generation one day just like our parents told us their tales.

I close my eyes and vision my grand daughter on grandpa's knee as he says "let me tell you about the year you were born little girl." We all learned a new way of celebrating that year! But it was the best year of our lives.

Let's make it a good story to tell those kids my friends. Let's leave the legacy of how it was darn rough but are proud to say we found new ways to celebrate.

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The Caged Bird

3/23/2020

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Good morning world! It is 5:08 AM and I am sitting in my quiet bedroom where I have been awake for two hours. I do not know why my body wakes so early as once I drank my coffee and my inspirational read is done I feel like a caged bird. I am awake and ready to go and start my day but the world around me stopped and suddenly there is no place to fly.

The carona virus has taken away our freedom to get out and do all the things that we have taken for granted.    You have no idea how I miss our community gym and the days I came home dripping with sweat as I finished four miles on the treadmill.    I sometimes hated the thought of going but now so wish I could.

I must forget myself for just a moment and instead think of all the businesses that must close. All the people that are out of work right now. Graduation ceremonies are not going to happen. Celebrations are postponed; some are even cancelled.    We cannot even attend mass and this is the holiest time of the year for Christians.    In the blink of an eye life as we knew it stopped. In the blink of an eye in the quiet of my room I actually feel scared. Not of the virus but how suddenly life can change.

The news reminds me that I am 60 and this begins the start of the high risk senior warnings. Hearing the high risk status starts at my age made me mad to hear at first but honestly it is not anger but denial. I may be young at heart but I am 60! Suddenly life seems to be going faster and faster and the years are starting to feel shorter.

I am trying not to cry but my Mom's face came to my mind as I suddenly understand how she must have felt when she moved in with us. She had a strong mind but could no longer fly where she wanted on her own.    After years of soaring through the sky her wings suddenly weakened and in the blink of an eye she became a caged bird.

This social isolation we are all in right now can encourage poor lifestyle choices if I let it. When Mom was a caged bird I insisted she get dressed every morning. I made sure she walked around the apartment and on nice days I took her outside. I made sure she ate well balanced meals. And most importantly I made sure she saw her friends and if she couldn't I handed her the phone to call them.    We watched game shows together to keep our minds sharp and worked on our crochet patterns together. We sang to Lawrence Welk every Saturday night with bowls of ice cream. I did not let her feel sad although I know she was. I made her laugh which was what I love to do. I encouraged her to embrace the season and reminded her that she still had me. I have found myself crying a lot this week and I honestly do not know why. I now know I must stop for being sad is never the answer although sometimes it is OK to admit how hard it is.

There are lessons in everything my friends that we right now may never understand.    We are all in this together and I know one day we will be back to normal so please try hard to use the ideas of how I helped my mom when she became a caged bird get you through this difficult time.    The worse thing would be to survive the virus but find ourselves sick from the worry and isolation the stress caused us.

I know my personality and despite being a high risk and sad today I will be smiling again tomorrow. That being said I always want to remember the sadness I feel today. I do not want to ever take for granted again the things I miss today when they return.    Once I am able to fly out of the cage i will feel like I was given a second chance to live but I know I will be even more grateful.

In my quiet room I close my eyes and in my mind see myself standing looking out of the cage door my mom once sat in. She always said "you cant make plans" and I now understand it.    We could never in a million years have planned this one Mom.

Today the world gets a temporary glimpse of how it feels to one day become a caged bird.

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Sharing Space

1/6/2020

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Today I sit in my eerily quiet living room as Kevin went to the office and I realize this is the first time since 1987 that we have not shared our space with anyone.

On December 13 we sadly had to put the pet we shared space with for 14 years down. Our beautiful Princess woke each morning barking her demands at us despite the weight of huge tumors on her leg.    She was a trooper who went through surgeries and illnesses and at times we thought she had nine lives as she always bounced back. In November she developed congestive heart failure and once again was a trooper until the day she fainted. In the typical Princess fashion she bounced back from the spells but while she was out it was very upsetting to watch. To be honest, Princess was giving us signs she did not want to share space with us anymore as she would go into our bathroom and lay on the rug to be alone.    She entered a room she had never gone into before in attempt to tell us it was time to go.

Life goes full circle as suddenly Kevin and I return to where we started August 23, 1980. We had no idea those many years ago what the future would be and who we would share our space with but we were young and enjoyed our time together for seven years.

In 1987 we learned we were going to happily share our space with our son Sean and it was the best chapters of our story. It was not long after he was grown and gone in 2006 we opened the door to my Aunt Hilda. We had no idea when we decided to share space that she was going to be diagnosed with leukemia shortly after arriving with us. That is when we invited Princess to share space with us. We heard pets were comfort for those who are ill and Aunt Hilda loved dogs. Sadly, three weeks after Princess arrived Aunt Hilda passed away and the sweet dog was officially ours.

In 2007 we shared space with my Mom who lived with us for 5 years after having a heart attack at the age of 83. Princess welcomed her and Mom, who by the way claimed she never liked pets, loved her and they both enjoyed afternoon naps in the recliner chair. In 2012 Mom passed away and it was then just myself, Kevin and Princess.

Princess is now also gone!

Many people suggested we get another dog and I am sure if I said YES Kevin would jump on it tomorrow but I am not saying YES.    I am getting older and time is becoming precious. I personally cannot imagine going through the pain of losing a pet at the age of 75. The longer we live the more goodbyes there are to say. Things get a bit harder as we grow older and who knows how long Kevin and I will have together to share space. I feel we did what we needed and while it feels strange it is time for us to once again pick up and go and live life as we did when we started.

I will say that out of all I have shared space with Princess taught me the importance of unconditional love. She was forgiving of mistakes, cherished hugs, loved hearing her name when someone called to say hello, was grateful for food and a warm bed. She didn't have a job, money, or any stuff but had people she loved sharing space with her. At the end all we really cherish are the people we love and we made sure she knew how adored she was as we gave her hugs, kisses and kind words of love the day we said goodbye.

Cooking dinner tonight felt so strange as there was no one for me to say "go by the door and wait for daddy". Oh how she loved hearing the key in the lock. Tonight hearing that key had a whole new meaning for me.    Life gets hectic and through the years I don't know if I fully realized how grateful I am to have someone come into the door. It took me spending hours in the eerily quiet to fully grasp how grateful I am Kevin is home.

Kevin and I experienced a lot in almost 40 years of marriage. We are back to where we started sharing space just us two once again. Just like all those years ago we had no idea what the future would be and we still don't. All I know for sure is I have been blessed to have the life I see spinning by me on the digital picture frame on a shelf in this quiet room. While there were sad times there were many beautiful moments as well.    I pray our shared space together will continue for a long time but we are only guaranteed today and it took the eerily quiet living room for me to realize that.

Princess taught us little things are the most important and we will forever be humbly grateful she was here to share space with us.

To quote good old Dr. Seuss, "Don't Cry Because it is Over, Smile because it happened"

Rest sweet girl. You will be forever missed and always remember you will have a shared space in mine and daddy's hearts until the day we meet again.

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Clutter Buster

11/26/2019

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It was a cold and damp day and as I was getting ready to participate in a local 5K being held in our town and I knew the conditions were going to have me struggling.    I had it in my head that I was not going to do well and I nearly did not. If it was not for my sister nudging me to grab her hand I probably would have quit.

I had done races before and loved them but that day because the conditions changed I wanted to quit. I heard myself saying this is not fair!!!!

So much good has come into my life and most days I remember. But suddenly a raindrop falls on my face and it makes me want to fall to my knees. The day of the race I tried to convince myself how it stinks to have to create a new normal.
Now that the race is over and I cleared the clutter out of my mind I realize that by this beautiful age of 60 I have experienced many new normal times.    I think back on some of them and it always felt like it was horrible for a little while.    It was always easier to hold onto the clutter rather than clear it away and start new.

I see many people holding on to so much stuff from yesterday The kids grow up and we can't get rid of their school artwork and toys. Our parents die and we feel guilt over giving their things away. Cards, notes, letters, clothes that no longer fit!    Sometimes we hold onto it all thinking it will bring the old days back. It is hard to let go sometimes. It is easier to fall down on our knees and hope things will return to the normal we loved.    Changing the course of life is painful.

What I love about running a 5K is you are aware you are in pain but the adrenaline of the crowd cheering you on is so exciting. It sure is easier to do on a sunny day but was much harder that day as I dragged the "it stinks" clutter with me. The cars, adrenaline and people cheering were there that day as well and I almost allowed myself to quit and not experience the thrill of the finish line.

I think the holiday time is when we drag out our unreconciled feelings suitcase more than ever.    The most wonderful time of the year can be very painful for many people.    The days can sometimes feel cold, damp and a struggle to get through.

The experience of the race reminded me not to let the past year cloud me from enjoying the journey.    Yes once again it is a very painful new normal. At the same time there is a crowd cheering us on and love and laughter is all around.    Just like the race it is OK to feel pain but I do not want to make the same mistake of letting the clouds make me want to go home.    I instead choose to hold hands before this new normal event starts and look up at the clouds and know there is sun up there. I must choose to see it.

I almost quit the great joy of the race that day and I thank my sister for grabbing my hand!

If you are experiencing a new normal year please try not to let clutter steal your joy. Try your hardest to enjoy the moment for it too will one day be a memory. The older we get the more new normal creations we will have to make. Here is my hand, grab it! I cheer for you!!!!!!

From the bottom of my heart, thank you for reading my words and cheering me on as well. From my family to yours I wish you all a Thanksgiving filled with JOY!

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Procrastination Intervention

8/1/2019

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I am not sure what is more exhausting, a task never started or one that I begin but never complete. I was the hugest procrastinator.    I cannot tell you the list of projects and tasks that I have constantly put off.

My main problem is I love to do SO many things! I love cooking, reading, getting in touch with friends and chatting, letter writing, working out, crafting, and the list goes on. I always had a problem choosing what project to work on so what often happened was I started one thing and got distracted and stopped. Some days I found myself so numb with overwhelm and would do nothing but scroll facebook or pinterest. Meanwhile the library books suddenly are over due and I was angry I did not have time to read them!!!

Last week I decided to choose one project and find myself an accountability partner. The project I chose to faithfully work on was an afgan I started in March for my sister. I asked a very crafty friend to poke me as I promised to work on it for 15 minutes every day.

Well, let me tell you! I totally underestimated what can be accomplished in a small amount of time. Working consistently is the key to success. Not the amount of time put into a task. The first day of the goal I exceeded 15 minutes and looked at the clock an hour later and was proud of the amount I had completed. There are other days I am just able to give it 15 minutes but I am still further along than I would have been if I had not picked it up at all.

Setting a time limit versus focusing on the finish line has helped me perform other tasks as well.

What I am learning is I must plan my tasks based on my energy cycle. What I mean by this is I have the most energy first thing in the morning so that is when it is easy for me to workout and tackle my house projects. Honestly, if I do not do these things first thing it is pretty certain I will not do them at all.

I no longer procrastinate on my workouts. It took me a while to get disciplined but after lots of prayer and thought I realize that is something I am extremely passionate about. When you have that something that makes you excited to put your feet onto the ground each and every morning it makes the rest of your day flow so much better.    After years of floundering I found my WHY the day I turned 60!!! I want to be fit and happy for as long as possible!

Do you feel stuck with your life? Do you feel overwhelmed and do not know where to begin?

I highly suggest you quietly sit and think of something that makes your heart sore. What are you passionate about? Make an appointment with yourself and commit to YOU the same way you would a friend.    I hate to break a commitment I make to someone else and I am now learning the importance of also keeping my commitments to me!!!!

We all need a goal or dream in our lives to work towards. Staying fit is definitely mine. Seeing the results I am getting has given me so much confidence!

As I am typing I literally am smiling at all the other victories I have accomplished on my to do list.    I had no idea the pride I would feel after constructing something with my own hands whether it be a craft, house project, a letter I wrote, a recipe or even a blog post.    I love lists and I am constantly writing projects I one day want to start, books I want to read, recipes I want to make, movies or shows I want to watch or see. I am learning to take out my calendar and make dates with myself to fit in time for all of them. Especially visits or phone chats with friends.

I come from a generation where everything in the house was in order. My Aunt Hilda had a home that I honestly can tell you was never messy. I think sometimes I strive for perfection like she and spend so much time worrying what others will think if there are dishes in the sink and because of that I was putting off picking up the crochet hook.

NO MORE PROCRASTINATING!

I have snoozed through life for long enough. Every morning I now wake up and begin my daily reading of inspiration and prayer followed by physical movement for at least thirty minutes a day.    I then do the chores, appointments, etc that await me in my day. Some days I can pick up the crochet hook earlier, sometimes it is the end of the day but the blanket is getting bigger and bigger and I am so proud. Every night before bedtime I plan my gym workout and write in my calendar how I hope to spend the next day.

I used to feel I had to choose something I love and eliminate the rest. Well you know what! I refuse to choose! I can do it all if I stop wasting time on the unnecessary and focus on the important things that make my heart happy.    One thing at a time is the key! When I do too many things I am not excelling in anything so I am sure to get the important thing done first. Fitness and health.

It is time for me to love and care for myself and it took a lot of thought and procrastination intervention to get me there.

Is there something you have wanted to do but are procrastinating. What are you waiting for?    Time is ticking for us all.

Get started on your dream. Once you have figured it out get in touch with me. I would love nothing more than be your Procrastinator Intervention accountability buddy. I am blessed I have mine and thank her every day. It is my turn to pay it forward.

You will be so proud once you give yourself a little procrastination intervention. If you think you can you might, if you know you can you WILL!!

YOU CAN!

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Stop Pinning, Start Living

6/19/2019

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It was a warm Spring evening as I sat on what was once my vision board fantasy. That night I reminisced to the days when I lived in my Queens apartment with no backyard and would dream of the day I would have an outdoor porch or balcony. My vision had pictures of wicker furniture, bright colored plants, ferns, pretty colored pillows with matching cushions.

That night my mind began thinking about other boards and pins I had created through the years So many hours of searching interesting crafts, recipes, books, fashion, makeup, decorating.    As I felt the joy of the dream I was sitting on it made me wonder why I left so many fun things waiting to do one day.

I remember thinking how many times I have heard myself say lines such as, "I cant do that", "I wish I could do that", "I don't have time to do that" , "I never could do that!!!!" My life was sounding like a broken record.    I realized that night I must begin re-writing the story. I am not the little girl who shook in front of the classroom afraid in speech class anymore.

I made a decision to stop pinning and doing and the following day I got started. I had my eye on a vision of painted wine bottles decorated in burlap that spelled out the word HOME.    I hoped one day I could find them to put on a table in my entryway. A friend told me I could definitely make them. I am not crafty but I reluctantly tackled the project.    It took me a week and a lot of hot glue burns but to my delight they came out really cute. It may seem like a small accomplishment but it raised my confidence. I realized I was tired of being the scared little girl who continued the safe granny stitch on her crochet hook when there are so many colorful patterns to learn. This project made me feel at home with ME!

Last week Kevin and I were having a nice dinner at Ruth Chris restaurant and it brought back another memory. For years I suffered anxiety which kept me from eating out and having fun.    With tears in my eyes I said to Kevin, "do you remember all those years I wished I could do this! And here I am!!!!    It took work but it proved dreams can come true.

I see many people saving pieces of string, unfinished thoughts and holding onto loose ends to turn into something beautiful one day. I believe now and then life creates tears and the holes that form keep our dreams pinned up inside. My mission as I journey on is to re-weave the strands.

I cannot believe in 11 short days I turn 60!!! Life is passing so fast but that is OK . I am starting to believe that this may be my best age yet. My work of art may not be perfect but every time I come through my front door and see my bottles I smile. I created a vision and I am blessed for I am home and I have incredible love in my life.

You never know what you will learn about yourself when you attempt something new.

I highly recommend it.

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The Tests of Time

5/20/2019

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Her first words were not hello as she entered my examination room during my latest physical but instead, we must find you a cardiologist. It was not the words that upset me but how blunt they were spoken.    I wonder how my doctor would have felt if someone spoke in such a way to her.

Due to my new patient status it took some time to get a cardiologist appointment and even a few more days to get the tests done but it all turned out fine.    Just a scare due to stress and anxiety.

My heart is fine or so I thought.

Three weeks ago our family endured a very hard test as we got the sudden call that my 31 year old niece passed away. I have gone to many funerals through my life but when you attend one of someone so young it makes the tests of time even harder to bare.    She suffered seizure disorder but despite this life challenge the death came on suddenly. We had no time to prepare our hearts and minds.

In the blink of an eye I had to deal with another series of blunt words I did not expect.

Just one month before her passing our family was celebrating the marriage of our son and daughter in law and suddenly we were gathered again but black ensembles replaced our festive formal attire.    The tests of time we now find ourselves facing feels like an uphill battle with occasional joyful moments mixed in.

On New Years day of this year I had visions of the perfect year as the kids wedding was approaching and both my husband and I would be turning 60 and we had many other planned trips and celebrations filling the white boxes of our calendar. I purchased a digital photo frame and titled it my 2019 suitcase of happiness. I began packing it with photographs of my daughter in laws bridal shower, their wedding, my sister's 65th birthday and Easter and suddenly the picture frame's title changed. What was intended to hold memories and events of 2019 suddenly had downloaded glimpses of years gone by. The fast moving digital frame of life had a sudden blunt turn that none of us expected.

I gave this whole nightmare a lot of thought and this along with discussions with family made me aware of a huge lesson.

My nieces death made me stop judging my doctor's bluntness but instead consider she may have been feeling overwhelmed or stressed the day she hurt my heart.    I myself have spoken harsh words when feeling poorly that I now know have hurt others hearts. With the knowledge of the impact bluntness had on me I now make it a daily practice to try to speak gentler. Hurting people hurt others and that is not fair! Instead of hurting each others hearts we need to communicate better. We also never fully know what a person is going through. Love and compassion is what fixes hearts.

The cardiologist had no idea how broken my heart would soon be however her prescription for health stays the same. When feeling low or anxious change your activity is what was told to me. Exercise, get together with friends and loved ones, eat well, listen to music, take a walk, read a book and pursue a hobby.    The true test of time is doing these things when our hearts have damage but it is the most important time to force ourselves.

One thing we all have in common are beating hearts and I now learned how easily they can be broken.

I sadly cannot change sudden loss but I can and will work hard on keeping my heart healthy and expressing loving words to those around me every day that I can. Our younger generation learned the hard knocks of the test of time too early. My prayer is for them to not have to endure this pain again for a very long time.

Two months ago I had no idea I had a broken heart. I will always be saddened by this experience and while my heart will never be totally fixed life has forever changed.    In honor of Megan I am going to close with some advice that I feel a doctor may not say but I know to be true for sure!

Keep taking photographs friends. They are not for today but for one day.

My digital frame's title changed but I am blessed to have so many past memories to add today. Megan's beautiful shining face on my frame gives my heart peace and knowing I have her love embedded on my heart will help me through each test of time I will face the following days, months and even years to come.

The prescription for true healing of the heart is compassion, love and memories.    Do all of these things on a daily basis and you will get through all the tests of times in your life too.

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Mental Pep Talks

2/13/2019

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I will be over in a few minutes were the words I told a friend when she called to come and visit. When asked what the delay was my response; "Im just finishing cleaning up the bathroom" was received with her exclaiming " I wish I loved to clean like you. "

I get the same response when I say anything about working out. "It is wonderful how you love to workout."
I am using this post to set things straight! No, I really hate housework with a passion and really don't LOVE working out.
I am happy I give that illusion but a magician I am not!!!!!

I like the house to be neat and orderly. I like it when I feel I am doing my best to workout my heart and tone my body. Enjoying the outcome versus doing the work are two different things and I give myself a good amount of pep talks every week. I wish I could say there is a magical trick or fairy wand but I cannot. It takes lots of Mental Pep Talks daily!

My husband, sister and I signed up for a 5K race in Atlanta this coming Sunday. My sister and I did it two years ago but this will be my husbands first race. Nine months ago he would not have been able to endure such a goal. He had arthritis in his knees, he was slightly over weight. It took a total mindset and lots of mental pep talks to guide him to a trainer and a good diet with clean supplements and he has lost 33 pounds and is in his best shape ever.

Our minds tend to go to familiar because it is easier than training ourselves to do the hard stuff.

Watching him the past few months has made me work on changing my mental dialogue. Instead of procrastinating while scrolling social media reminding myself how I NEED to workout I now say I WANT to work out and use social media as my treat when done. Balance is the reward of hard work but it all requires lots of mental pep talks.

I am incredibly grateful that Kevin knew it was necessary to shift his mental dialogue to work on getting in shape. We both turn 60 this Summer and it is scary.    I have learned to create a North Star in my mind and inside are all those I love and a list of things I still want to do. On the days when I don't feel like doing the hard stuff I have a nice chat with myself and look up at my star. Knowing they want me around as long as possible makes me WANT to get the hard stuff in every single day.    For me to enjoy spending time with all of you I need to keep up with the clutter on a daily basis. I on a daily basis work on removing the negative mind conversation that keep me stuck in the old behavior and replace them with mental pep talks.

When I spend time with friends or loved ones but have clutter and pain inside me it distracts from the joy.    When I take the time to do the hard stuff first my life feels easier. I challenge you to take a moment to have a mental pep talk with yourself right this second while it is fresh on your mind. Close your eyes and think of all those people you love and the things you have left to do. What hard thing will you do every day to keep that star shining bright?

Every one of us has special things to fill our North Star but clutter makes us forget. It does not require a fairy wand to get there but just a few mental pep talks.

You now know my magic trick of creating an illusion of LOVING the HARD stuff.    It is your turn to be the magician in your life and start creating your North Star.    Every thought in that bright star wants you to succeed.    I encourage you to take the hard steps. I promise distractions will not stop you! You will run a race you never in a million years thought you could and your friends will love how you effortlessly perform all that HARD stuff too.

Let the magic begin!

I

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The Seasons of Life

Everyday Virtues

New Ways Of Celebrating

The Caged Bird

Sharing Space

Clutter Buster

Procrastination Intervention

Stop Pinning, Start Living

The Tests of Time

Mental Pep Talks

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